You gotta love fucked up dreams!
This morning I had a real doozy- sort of Alias meets College. Very bizarre and I remember it very vividly, which only seems to happen when I am very tired and hit my snooze alarm in the mornings.
And now for the dream...
I am in a forest clearing, walking with an older guy who is dressed like the crocodile hunter (or a Banana Republic catalog circa 1985). As we are walking toward a picnic table in the middle of the meadow, he starts relaying a story about recent bear attacks and how the people got out of trouble by doing the old "playing possum" technique. I look over at my companion and see that its Macguyver from the TV show. So he's gotta be right about this, right?
As we reach the picnic table that's when we hear it coming. The bear. A big, brown bear is barrelling down on us. Mac yells at me to lie down and to keep still. As I'm getting down (in the shadow of the picnic table) I remember thinking "should I be face up or face down? Face up I could see what's happening, but face down would be more protective..." so I drop on my belly.
Mac is standing on the picnic table- evidently immune to the bear's attack. I have my eyes closed, but I can hear the bear right by me. It starts to sniff around my face and neck- its breath all hot. It keeps making those bear 'chewbacca' noises. Then it paws me severely and starts pulling me toward it. I am being dragged along the ground, still with my eyes closed.
That's when Macguyver says "This isn't working- the bear needs a distraction if you are going to live! As soon as you are clear, get to safety!" So he takes off running for the edge of the forest. The bear roars and gives chase. I pop my head up and have a ground-eye view of the bear lolloping after Mac (in his cargo shorts). I have just enough time to see him make it up to a deer stand in a tree when I take off running.
The next thing I know, I'm in my childhood house. Evidently it was right at the edge of the field. I know the bear is now following me- so I go to my room and close the door. Unfortunately the door is now only 5 feet tall, and consists of iron bars. Like a prison cell.
I clang the door shut, and the bear is right THERE! It howls at me and starts shaking the door. The door pops open a bit, and I run and slam it closed again. The bear takes a swipe at me with his claws through the bars of the cage. It narrowly misses evicerating me. I know I have to get out of the house- so I go to my north window and start opening it.
I pinch open the latching mechanisms on the storm windows and open them. Then there's the screen. I push out the screen and start climbing through the open window. I give one more backward glance to the door in my room, and Macguyver is standing there. He yells "RUN!" just as the bear gets to him.
I'm out on the street and its winter. Snow is drifted everywhere, but packed down in the streets. Its a strange neighborhood in a strange city. Very old, brick apartment buildings and such are everywhere. The streets are dark because its evening and the streetlights don't seem to be working. For some reason I know I'm in Russia somewhere, but I don't know why.
I go to the first building, through the vestibule, and to the first floor apartment. I start pounding on the door with a flat hand crying "Let me in! There's a bear after me!"
I hear a party going on inside, and someone saying, "hold on, I'm coming...". The door opens and I am face to face with a very stern, very STARTLED looking russian man. Dark hair, goatee, dark eyes. He grabs me by the front of my shirt, pulls me inside the apartment, and slams the door and locks it.
I can see the apartment- its nice. Very spacious and loft-like with a floating staircase in the middle of the room. There is a fancy cocktail party going on and the guests are preoccupied. His wife (mistress?) in a black evening gown looks over and says, "Is everything all right?" He tells her that it is and she goes back to entertaining.
Russian dude pulls me to a dark corner under a second staircase and starts to interrogate me. "Who sent you? How did you know I was here? Who SENT YOU!" I'm freaking out now, because I know that I have never seen this man before in my life. I keep telling him my story about the bear and the chase and this was the first place that looked safe.
He pulls out a big, serrated edge hunting knife on me (Rambo style) and holds it to my stomach. "Who sent you!" he keeps repeating. He is very agitated and I am wide-eyed in fear at this point. I just keep saying "I don't know what you are talking about!"
He then pushes me hard into the corner and I stumble and fall down on my ass. He runs out to the middle of the cocktail party, brandishes the knife above his head, and says, "What I do I do for my country!" Then he drags the knife across his throat.
Everyone looks on rather nonplussed. Down the staircase comes his son. He finds me in the corner, and says "Lets get you out of here." So we hop in a car with three of his friends and drive around the city.
I'm packed in the back seat like a sardine with two russian guys (late teens or early 20's) and they don't speak a word of english. The driver (the dead guy's son) tells me that we are going to another party.
We pull up short at another block of flats. "Cool, aren't they?" he says as we start to pile out of the car. It looks like a ramshackle building that has been grafitti painted to look like an Italian villa.
We all go inside, and the party is on the top floor. Everyone welcomes me, and I immediately go into 'party mode'. I start to dance to the music and flirt. There is a cute russian couple- the guy looks at me with murderous eyes. I smile back, and then turn to his girlfriend and say, "Strasvitsia maya malenkaya koshka!" and give her a quick peck on the cheek. She giggles and I walk away smiling toward the bar.
The dead guy's son says, "Let me fix you drink. I know what you want- a jaeggerbomb and two shots". I didn't even know they knew what a jaggerbomb WAS in russia! It takes him forever to mix the cocktails up. While waiting I start looking around the room. It has the characteristics of a college dorm room. The ceiling is gabled and there is a Northwestern Lacrosse poster on the wall. I point this fact out to a very drunk russian boy who's sitting on a couch in the middle of the room.
The couch is full of girls and guys in different poses, but for some reason I start talking to him. He is blonde, blue eyed, and has a huge, red mouth. He starts speaking, but its all in russian and I don't understand a word. Very drunk, slobbery russian, as he starts talking like he has no lips and spit keeps pouring from his jaws. I keep trying to tell him in broken Polish that I don't speak russian. The girls on the couch laugh and tell me he doesn't speak english or polish. They then jabber at him in russian to relay my messages.
I go back to the bar and my drinks are ready. Dead Guy's son hands me the still swirling jaeggerbomb. It isn't the right color, but I figure this is just a russian variant. He grabs one of the tequila shots and toasts me. "Dosvidanya" he says as I tip the drink into my mouth.
He watches me drink it. Then we mosey to the couch and sit on the edge. The music is playing loudly now and my head is swimming a bit and he leans in and says, "And now you tell me about my father." I can smell the tequila on his breath and his face is dancing in front of mine.
"I don't know anything, I swear!" I tell him. "Oh, you know something. And you are going to tell me everything I want to know. What you drank was really a sodium penthathol bomb."
I begin to panic a bit because I don't know what I might tell him under the influence of the drug. I honestly don't think I know anything and I keep telling him that, but my words are getting slurred. He just keeps smiling at me and waiting...
... then I woke up.
