Monday, May 14, 2007

Nursery Rhymes

My parents had quite the sense of humor when I was little; one way in which it manifested was through the corruption of nursery rhymes.

Since I was their only child, I'm guessing that they thought of me more as a toy than a boy. So they chose to inflict me with their adult humor fairly frequently. One of their most cherished ways was how they 'adulterated' all the endings of nursery rhymes for me.

Here are the two that I remember most to this day:

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner eating his christmas pie,
He stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum and said,
"Yuck! There's a PLUM on my thumb!"

Little Miss Muffett sat on a tuffet eating her curds and whey
When along came a spider who sat down beside her and she screamed,
"EEEEEKKK! There's a SPIDER beside me!!!!"

Notice a theme?

Naturally these would be accompanied by the appropriate facial expressions, swatting motions, and general pantomiming much to the giggling delight of their knowledge-thirsty three year old child.

Oh, and I'm sure my parents secretly howled with pleasure at their cleverness, relishing the fact that their kid loved the rhymes but also smuggly loving the whole seditious act of smudging these historic ditties.

The problem with this should be obvious; I never learned the REAL endings to the nursery rhymes. I think I was twenty or so before I learned the real last line for the Jack Horner one. To this day I don't know the correct ending for Little Miss Muffett.

And people wonder why I'm fucked up?


At 4:29 PM, Anonymous Jason said...

It does explain volumes...

I prefer the Andrew Dice Clay versions. Hickory Dickory Doc...

At 4:51 PM, Blogger Donnie said...

LOL....we just imagine the versions I got growing up with a Dad who spent almost 30 years in the USMC. They were worse than the Andrew Dice Clay versions.

You're not alone, CB. ;)

At 6:24 PM, Blogger ArichNY said...

The Little Miss Muffett ending that I recall is:
Along came a spider and sat down beside her
And said, "Hi, Toots!"

At 12:32 AM, Blogger kevin said...

Hey Sexy
You might be fucked up but we all love you just the way you are!

When are you coming over to New Zealand? By the way I saw Dan again at the weekend working in his shop. Apparently there was another Rugby Union player in there as well that might have been your type. Very nice. He was working in there too.

Hugs mate
Kev in NZ

At 9:52 AM, Blogger Y | O | Y said...

I always did this to one of my nieces. She couldn't read yet, but had been through her little books so many times, she knew what was to be said on each page. I'd read along and then make stuff up and she'd go apeshit that I had messed it up. And I'd laugh and laugh.

You're right, your parents probably had a ball. Do you have their sense of humor?


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