To clarify about myself

I read your comments about this Kevin guy, and i understand where y'all are coming from. But I think I need to clarify some things about me.

Rarely do I meet someone who captures my interest for over, say... a minute. In roughly 60 seconds of conversation, I can generally tell if a person is worth getting to know, or needs to be kicked to the curb. And of those that are placed in the "worth getting to know" column, only a select few creep through my mind's transom because I find them intriguing.

Kevin is one of these.

I'm curious about his life and what makes him tick. I want to know how he taught himself piano and when he started singing and what other sports he likes, his views on politics, etc. I also think about what it might be like to kiss him.

Just a simple kiss. I don't want to fuck his brains out. I'm not even remotely thinking along those lines.

And as for my hangups about some of the "uncheck" items... what can i say? I'm shallow. The whole 'breaking in' for me means dating, sex, whatnot. I had two episodes in my youth where I got involved with guys that were fairly new.

I agreed to have sex with one guy- and it was his first time. It was very hot, but to me there wasn't a love connection. He had to come to terms with all that ANd losing his virginity, etc. It was uncomfortable and messy (emotionally) because I don't like disappointing people, and I feel i disappointed him.

The second guy I dated for awhile. He was inexperienced at the beginning and I tried to work through it, but the sex part became all about me performing orally, and him lying there. There wasn't even really any kissing. It was unfulfilling so I broke up with him. He talked me into getting back together and giving it another shot. It lasted a couple more weeks, but it just wasn't working out so I called it quits again. THAT's when he offered up his 'anal virginity' to me.

I didn't take it.

He literally started crying during the breakup and wanted me to be his first and to do it to him to basically to get it over with. I refused on the grounds that his first time shouldn't be just about getting it over with. I told him he'd thank me later for it later.

He never spoke to me again. And once again I let someone down.

This is why I am nervous about the whole thing and not anxious to put myself into the position where a repeat of these types of events could manifest themselves.