Monday, January 22, 2007

To clarify about myself

I read your comments about this Kevin guy, and i understand where y'all are coming from. But I think I need to clarify some things about me.

Rarely do I meet someone who captures my interest for over, say... a minute. In roughly 60 seconds of conversation, I can generally tell if a person is worth getting to know, or needs to be kicked to the curb. And of those that are placed in the "worth getting to know" column, only a select few creep through my mind's transom because I find them intriguing.

Kevin is one of these.

I'm curious about his life and what makes him tick. I want to know how he taught himself piano and when he started singing and what other sports he likes, his views on politics, etc. I also think about what it might be like to kiss him.

Just a simple kiss. I don't want to fuck his brains out. I'm not even remotely thinking along those lines.

And as for my hangups about some of the "uncheck" items... what can i say? I'm shallow. The whole 'breaking in' for me means dating, sex, whatnot. I had two episodes in my youth where I got involved with guys that were fairly new.

I agreed to have sex with one guy- and it was his first time. It was very hot, but to me there wasn't a love connection. He had to come to terms with all that ANd losing his virginity, etc. It was uncomfortable and messy (emotionally) because I don't like disappointing people, and I feel i disappointed him.

The second guy I dated for awhile. He was inexperienced at the beginning and I tried to work through it, but the sex part became all about me performing orally, and him lying there. There wasn't even really any kissing. It was unfulfilling so I broke up with him. He talked me into getting back together and giving it another shot. It lasted a couple more weeks, but it just wasn't working out so I called it quits again. THAT's when he offered up his 'anal virginity' to me.

I didn't take it.

He literally started crying during the breakup and wanted me to be his first and to do it to him to basically to get it over with. I refused on the grounds that his first time shouldn't be just about getting it over with. I told him he'd thank me later for it later.

He never spoke to me again. And once again I let someone down.

This is why I am nervous about the whole thing and not anxious to put myself into the position where a repeat of these types of events could manifest themselves.

3 Comments:

At 3:51 PM, Blogger Donnie said...

Thanks for the post clarifying your stance. I can see it a bit better from your perspective.

Don't worry too much over this...let nature take it's course.

 
At 12:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No one can say but you whether or not you know there is something there. So trust your gut. And take it one step at a time.

 
At 9:08 AM, Blogger Kevin said...

Well, his name is Kevin .. so CHECK.

And if you work up to the kiss first, then you can worry about if you're going to take his virginity or not.

Take it slow, but take it. It's not the differences -- it's the tolerance of the differences you need to be concerned with.

And since I can't have you myself, I'll live vicariously through him. :)

 

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