Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Why won't Tenacious D Die Already?


Tenacious D sucks pucker- and not in a good way.
I'm quite serious when I pose the question, "Why won't they die already?" Their music is not good. They are ugly to look at. They aren't funny. In fact, I can't think of a single redeeming quality that they posess. So why are they still in the public eye? And in a feature length film, no less??
Jack Black must have some serious lower back and leg strength in order to carry Kyle Gass on his coattails like he does. And Mr. Black must have made some deal with the devil in order to become as popular as he appears to be.
I must admit, I did like Jack's turn in "High Fidelity". Or was it "Empire Records"? Don't suppose it matters much as they are pretty much the same movie. But every movie afterward, I see his character and just want to punch him in the throat. And then punch the people responsible for casting in their respective throats. Like- why was he in King Kong? Or better yet, why is he starring in this new movie as the love interest of Kate Winslet??? Ew. EW!
And as for his buddy, Kyle... WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
Which brings me back to my original topic-- why won't they die? They are a shitty music duo, and they've been trying to make "Tenacious D" happen for several years now. They even played on SNL once... and I'm sure Lorne is still airing out the studio after THAT stinker. And still the fuckers persist. And the coup de gras... last night, they fucking showed up on the American Music Awards. I wasn't even watching these grammy-wannabes- I just happened to flip by during a commercial break and there they were... defecating all over the stage. I think I started to tear up, my eyes smote by their hideousness.
Yet there is hope. Since they are a "music group" (loose quotes around THAT one) we can all take heart that these two may soon perish in a small, yet tasteful plane crash somewhere near Clear Lake, Iowa.
I strongly urge everyone to save their money and boycott any films containing Jack Black. Maybe a lack of funding will hasten their demise.

31 Comments:

At 12:56 PM, Blogger cola boy said...

I with you there. Why do they still exist?

 
At 1:21 PM, Blogger Six Shooter said...

Thank. and. You.


I have friends who were anxiously awaiting this film ... and all I can think is "WHY?" I don't get them -- and I have a pretty good sense of humor.

I think because it isn't SMART comedy -- it's pratfall comedy.

Blech.

 
At 10:15 PM, Blogger kevin said...

I have to admt that i have NEVER watched a James Bond movie!

I guess i have not yet lived.
Kevin in NZ

 
At 9:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Finally! Another human exists out there--Tenacious D is about as entertaining as taking a fourth-day dump in a public restroom. Sadly you know that not only will neither of them die young, but they'll obliviously die old and wealthy.

 
At 9:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh, tenacious d is my favorite bsnd EVER!!!!!!!!! and ksge snd jsbles r like the awesomest musicians EVERRRRRRRRR!!! yall r just freakin jealous of their good looks AND musical talents!!!!!!

 
At 10:13 PM, Blogger David Grandes said...

Tenacious D is tenaciously awesome! why? becasue they are REAL! thats right, they are as real as it gets! You however are not, and thats why you hate them that much, they reveal your inadequacy to be true, because of your fears!

 
At 12:24 PM, Anonymous Aaron. said...

You are a fucking douche. Die.

 
At 4:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're an idiot.

Let's examine your musical taste, shall we?

* Late Romantic to Mid-Twentieth Century Symphonic works
* 50's and 60's jazz
* alt rock
* metal
* some pop
* very little hip hop and rap
* and a dash of country. OH
* and I love drum and bugle corps music!!!

Yep, definite fail right there.
I'll take your opinion on Tenacious D when you get a reasonable taste in music.

Also, the rest of your blog sucks.
Go kill yourself.

Hugs and kisses,
Jackson.

 
At 10:28 AM, Anonymous marcus said...

You know your opinions don't really represent majority right? Cause I get that impression from this rant.

So you don't like them. Is it necessary to go for a pathetic attempt at humiliating them? What have they done to you? They're just a band. Not a crime to be in a satirical rock band!

And also, your rant seems to move from a criticism of Tenacious D, to a criticism of JB and KG as individuals, and i felt that was really overboard

Just to clarify, I am not really a big fan of the D my self. I think their lyrics are very stupid and make no sense to me. I am not attempting to take a side here. I am not going to "the D sucks ass" or "the D rocks" point. I just do not like the way you attempt to express your dislike for the band. There are much better alternatives than post a random rant full of vulgarities for no reason. Maybe people would be less negative towards your thoughts if you actually bothered to try and rationalize your hate

If you really had nothing else to post about, I feel sad for you, because you have absolutely no life

I hope you will stop making posts like this, for its just stupid, ill-organized and offensive to many fans of Tenacious D

Peace

 
At 2:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

nobody thinks they are an actual powerhouse group...there is humor in two short chubby dudes try'n to make rock history in this day and age where metal rock arena music is dead..kg is a talented guitarist jb does have great vocals and range also there lyrics are ment to sound idiotic becuase its a satire on old rock/glam/arena bands..

i enjoyed the movie also...c0ck pushups look painfull tho

 
At 8:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

tenacious d SUCKS!!!

 
At 9:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you fucking retard! tenacious d rule! they are fucking hilarious and they play awesome music! for gods sake just listen to some of their songs before you go dissing them like that you fucking cock sucker wanker bitch cunt asshole!

 
At 8:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"you fucking retard! tenacious d rule! they are fucking hilarious and they play awesome music! for gods sake just listen to some of their songs before you go dissing them like that you fucking cock sucker wanker bitch cunt asshole!"

Actually...they aren't hilarious, and their MUSIC is borderline okay (Guitar work is actually good to certain extents). They're lyrics are godawful and mean absolutely nothing, I have a 4 year old cousin who could write more meaningful lyrics. And guess who has listened to 6 of their songs (at least), this guy, and I got to say, I was at an IQ of 156 before hand but now I think I'm near 70...judging bu the final words you posted "fucking cock sucker wanker bitch cunt asshole!" you seem to be nearing 50.

 
At 12:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm watching those 2 retards on Spike TV right now, in a live concert performance.I've got a wide variety of tastes in comedy and music, but this just sucks. 2 fat guys making 5 year-old faces and over-exaggerating the lyrics, which are totally rediculous. You have to be either in the 15 to 25 range to find this funny, or just still be in that menatlity at a higher age. The only thing that could make this concert really entertaining is if GWAR were to show up and just kill everyone.

 
At 2:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I was at an IQ of 156 before hand but now I think I'm near 70"

156? My fucking asshole.

 
At 4:23 AM, Blogger coleman albrite said...

look, heres the thing. One I'm not the biggest fan of Tenacious D because it turns me off to see them sing "fuck" 24/7, but still. Their not terrible. Two, for me its mainly the lyrics that are stupid, there more filler-uppers, but I think their still musically talented-sorta.
Three- I don't understand why in their first album, there were like five songs, that weren't even songs, just them filling up space. They were just trying to be funny.
Four- I have to admit, i do love the movie, and a lot of the songs in it, so sue me, cuss at me, whatever, I go back and forth with liking them.
Five-This I will admit, when their new album comes out I'll probably listen MAYBE even buy, who cares though. I am still a fan of many other really good bands, and i have my likes and dislikes of them, but there's a side of me that can't help like the band, even if it is a little stupid

 
At 4:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jack Black and his chubby buddy don't even constitute a "band", unless you mean the rubber kind on a size 44 pair of briefs. Two fat guys, one with less hair on his head than my set of tires, bad music and bad lyrics do not create a comic circumstance beyond watching a floater swirl down the whirlpool of a brazilian toilet. Musically, they are like listening to nails on a chalkboard. The first time I saw these two idiots, I think I got past 30 seconds of it, and that was it.
Bad taste, poor concept, an utterly unappealing appearence and immature deliverance of such tripe are reminiscent of a poorly executed Andy Kaufman excersize - it's really done to annoy you as some sort of ill-conceived humor.
Anyone that finds any kind of redemption out of this crap truly has far too much playtime on their hands, and should try to stay out of mom's zoloft.

 
At 3:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck Tenacious D kyle gass says other bands don't rock? wtf, he doesn't know what rock is, Take cradle of filth for example, he called them a bunch of ghosts on a podium, i ever see kyle gass in real life i'mma rip his MOTHER FUCKING PISS UGLY HEAD OFF!!!!

 
At 3:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck Tenacious D kyle gass says other bands don't rock? wtf, he doesn't know what rock is, Take cradle of filth for example, he called them a bunch of ghosts on a podium, i ever see kyle gass in real life i'mma rip his MOTHER FUCKING PISS UGLY HEAD OFF!!!!

 
At 3:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey mr asshole who ever you are.. Jack black and kyle are one fo the worlds greatest COMEDY duets.. i fail to see why that just because you dont like something you must have them erased... mr fuckhead shitnugget cockmunch i honestly think you should "Change the channel" if your that worried... Tenacious d is a bit silly music wise.. but we love it... and it is funny to us.. and what i would like to know is... why you think kyle is al;so a fuck up.. kyle is apart of a band called trainwreck with lee as the elad singer.. thats a freakin great band i must say.. look man if i had the chance... miley cyrus, jonas brothers and what ever the other crap you masterbate nightly over is on that fucking plane as apposed to tenacious d... get real dude.. fucken asshole

 
At 3:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

fuck you man. they are fucken awesome and some of their songs can be seen as legitimate and not comedy such as the metal and tribute so why dont you take that dick out of your mouth and give em a real chance you piece of shit. When you can do better then you can come and bitch to us... but until then, get off your mama's basement couch and get a job asshole

 
At 8:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ARE YOU CRAZY?
HAVE YOU A COCK IN YOUR EARS??
TENACIOUS D IS THE BEST BAND EVERRR AND YOU ARE AN INSIGNIFICANT ASSHOLE!

 
At 1:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those who actually like this drivel are the ones with cocks in their ears. Tenacious D is some of the stupidest shit I've ever heard. Maybe I would have thought them funny if they'd have put out a CD when I was 11, but in reality their songs are bland and really not funny. Anyone who thinks they're talented (either in the realm of music or comedy) is a complete moron. They are fucking awful. What a couple of hacks.

 
At 4:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jack black or whatever he calls himself is a bad musician and lacks any talent for acting whatsoever. tenacious d sucks and as I see it is a joke band; listen to real music instead if you think they're actually good and you will hear what I mean

to the guy angry because of his comments on cradle of filth - lol are you seriously mad about someone talking shit about cradle of filth, one of the shittiest queer metal bands out there?

rant out.

 
At 4:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

last anon poster here again. im not saying metal is shit, just that bands like cradle of filth are emo assfuckin trash. THey're early early stuff was ok but their music is terrible now. I even liked them until I saw them live in atlanta , ga. They headlined but their set was really short and homo Dani filth was being a bitch - im sure he deserved it when nick barker beat his ass after dealing with his shit while in the band

 
At 4:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

really what pissed me off about the show is that they put on a terrible performance on purpose

 
At 4:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tenacious D rocks and you are just an asshole that likes gay shit, like justin bieber and lady gaga.

 
At 7:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ten D fucking rocks. Who cares if you haven't heard of Kyle. If thats your basis on judgement, you're a fucking retard. They can sing, rock out, and more importantly, act and make comedy. Only pretentious losers don't find them funny. Also, they're lyrics are meant to be satirical. Also, if they're soooo terrible, why the fuck does Ronnie James Dio, David Grohl and Trainwreck like them? Not to mention the bands they've opened for.

 
At 7:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, according to the retards plastered all over here, Dio has shit taste in music? If you hate Dio, well then fuck off, I don't argue with tone deaf pop douches. Also, I forgot to say.. "THEY'RE TERRIBLE TO LOOK AT -CRY-" Really? I don't even. Dumbass.

 
At 9:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't really like them because 1) I don't think they're funny. They're saying 'fuck' all the time, which isn't very funny.
2) I see the band only as a trick of Jack Black just to show him how awesome and popular he is.

I'm just gonna pretend all the fans out here are trolls.

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger scatfist said...

Couldn't agree more with this blog. The big, fat, sweating, attention seeking truth of it all. Tenacious D are an embarrassment to music. Their music, in places, touches on the interesting until one of them opens their mouths and shits all over whatever credibility they might've had. Moron lyrics about fucking, deals with the devil, being some god to metal... is Jack Black registered mentally disabled? Cos I've met people with handicaps that could write more intelligent, coherent lyrics. And as for Kyle whatever-his-name-is, you have NO musical integrity if you indulge in the kind of "humour" that your Gods of Metal band inflict upon the world. They should be tied up and beaten by passers by for wasting the planets time. How can someone be a fan of such empty, stupid, childish music? Unless you ARE a child or an adult with serious emotional problems and twatish fantasies of being an ugly attention seeking cock like... JACK BLACK.

As for some of the comments here... wow, the bottom feeders of society come out in force when one of their own gets badmouthed! If anyone thinks hate is the only motivation for Tenacious D dying they need a public beating too. They exemplify all the lazy, boring traits of modern pop music, while simultaneously re-enforcing the dumb metalhead stereotypes that should've died years ago. And they are NOT funny. Don't even use the phrase "Great Comedy Duo" anywhere this group; they are as clever as the chumps that fall for their adolescent, triumph of marketing bullshit

What the fuck is wrong with your perception of taste?! Anyone that think Tenacious D are better than classical music is fucking retarded. Fuck off and die, save the world your mass-stupidity.

 

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