Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Juvenile Delinquency

I'm a 10-year old boy when it comes to toilet humor. Its embarassing to admit, but unerringly true. I'm nothing if not honest with myself. Mostly.

The first South Park I ever saw involved Mr. Hanky, the Christmas Poo. I laughed my ass off. If you need more proof, go to my posting called "One Deposit, One Return" from a couple months ago. You'll see.

Today, for example, I found myself nearly unable to contain my laughter when I heard our CEO blowing up the men's cubicle. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him head in. A few minutes later I had the misfortune to be at the sinks to rinse out my coffee cup. What did that man eat?? My guess it was something like General Tso's Chili Dogs. Given the amount of audibles, he was evidently just changing the lineup before a touchdown.

Now, I was in there for perhaps a minute, tops. YOu think he could have held back the balloon-knot squeeking until after I had left. I know that whenever I hear someone enter the bathroom, unless i'm in middle of operation dumbo drop, I stop whatever I'm doing like a deer caught in headlights.

(Everyone will be gratified to note that I contained my amusement until I was well on my way to the coffee urn).

Another telltale sign of my 12 year old mentality is that I find an insane level of humor in a website where people submit photographs of their piles for you to vote on.

I'm warning you, the website quite literally shows a lot of shit. I started rating the deuces, and the more doodie I rated, the more I started laughing. By the end, I was cackling like a psych ward patient.

Seriously, this shit cracks me up! (puns intended, of course)

Evidently, the long, coily turd is de rigeur on the website. My favorites are perhaps the spattery ones, especially when not completely contained within the bowl.

Awhile ago on this website, there was a picture of an airplane or bus toilet where the person obviously couldn't make it to a seated position before a violent expulsion. Either that or there was a severe pothole or airpocket involved. The spatter ranged from the seat to the WALL! I shit you not! I laughed so hard I nearly sharted!

So, if potty humor is as much your thing as it is mine, I highly recommend spending a few minutes at ratemypoo.

The shit's worth it.

P.S. I just remembered- for animated turds you should go to doodie.com.

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