Monday, October 02, 2006

Family and Fish

I am decidedly NOT 'Southern' in the way that I deal with my family. I'm a firm believer in the old addage, "Family and Fish both start to smell after 3 days".

Southern boys tend to be much closer to their mommas and daddies than us Northern or Midwestern boys are. Its true. Every southern guy down here talks to his mother at LEAST once per day. Sometimes more than that. And visiting the family at least once during the week or on the weekends is a given.

Whereas we Midwestern guys are quite content to speak with the parents 'maybe' once per week. And since I live 1000 miles from them, I see them twice a year.


This week, however, my mother has been visiting me and it has been severely trying my patience. She arrived last tuesday around noon, and leaves this wednesday early in the morning. Now, don't get me wrong- I LOVE my mother.

Just not for eight days in a row.

I do feel guilty about not spending more time with her while she has been down here. But unfortunately I have had to work. Not even 'optional' working... I HAD to work. I also feel a tinge of guilt about not minding working to get out of the house.

She comes down just to visit and to get away from where she works. And because she is a bit of a workaholic, to keep boredom at bay she uses her vacation to clean my house from top to bottom. And while I do appreciate the cleaning, it is also a bit stressful for me.

Mom and I really don't talk much about my being gay. The fact that I am is sort of the elephant in the room. So I try to de-gay my house as much as possible before she gets there (i.e. the stress!)

Case in point, I have a newly framed print of a movie poster featuring Andy Warhol's work on two boys (one licking the other one's neck with a huge red tongue). It hides my fusebox and I didn't move it before her visit. Her comment was, "Ew. What the hell is THAT?"

When she first arrived her first chore for us was to go through all my drawers and closets and throw out everything that was old or not used anymore. The stuff would either go to Goodwill or to the dump. Now, in preparation for her visit I had already stashed my naughty porn collection and hidden my enema bulb. I also hid my harness inside some old sweats at the top of my closet.

But I had forgotten about a dildo in my underwear drawer.

As we are going through my armoir we eventually get to the undies portion. I am starting to go through the old boxers and pitching them when my hand comes in contact with the 'device'. I freak a little.

I had to stall going through the drawer until she went to do some laundry, then I quickly moved the dildo to behind my sweaters (we had already gone through the sweaters so it was a 'safe zone').

And next she wanted me to go through the top shelf of my closet and get rid of some more things (oh no, the harness!!) I just said no, that all of that stuff stayed. (Crisis avoided).

Now the only bad area left would be my nightstand drawer. I just hope she avoided it altogether as it contains condoms, cock rings, a few leather goods, lube, towels, etc. Where was I gonna put all THAT?

She has had me cleaning and picking up and sorting out and doing yardwork and housework for about 5 days now. I'm tired.

Is it wrong for me to have a countdown timer going for Wednesday?


At 8:54 AM, Blogger Six Shooter said...

I have to agree about the midwestern thing. I live 2,000+ miles from my family for a reason. And while I ultimately love them, I don't have a problem not speaking to them.

And I would LOVE to been a fly on the wall. Heh.


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