Monday, May 22, 2006

My Poor Friend Frank


My Friend Frank (from here on in known as MFF) is severely challenged in the 'taste' department, bless his heart.

I think it comes from getting married and living as a straight man for many years before finally coming out at age 40.

I think the gay giftbox isn't sent past age 35.

Because he never got his box he still dances like a 40-something white married dude, can't decorate worth shit, keeps a messy house, and only whores around with 20-somethings.

But what I want to focus on is his decorating (dis)ability. Please note the picture above. This is a cameraphone shot of one of Frank's cherished "art pieces". He did it himself. Hard to believe, no?

He came up with the quote in the artwork himself, of course.

Most of my brunch friends and I have since joked about it. Some of our substitute quotes include:

Journey is a Rock Band
Love is a battlefield
A Choice is now illegal in South Dakota

The best of Frank's original art cannot be seen in this photograph. He has an entirely cobalt blue oil painting that has the word "sky" fingerpainted into it. The companion piece is entirely red and has (you guessed it) the word "sea". They hang next to each other in the living room.

If the above picture were clearer, you would see that its hanging next to a recessed wall shelf unit (with mirror backing) that contains various chotchskies and knicknacks (bad pottery, gifts from his child, a biosphere with dead brine shrimp, ceramic figurines, stainless steel vessels, etc). Surrounding the festive artwork are several mardi-gras style masks that rival the best Andrew Lloyd Webber production.

I need to sneak some more pictures of his house. He has a curio cabinet that makes me want to go out and buy an aluminum baseball bat and then offer to 'house sit'. His mantle alone I believe sets the world record for most candle holders in stainless steel or chrome.

My private joy was buying him a truly atrocious, bejeweled clay elephant from TJ Max and then making him display it.

I'll take a picture of that next.

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